I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's even glitter on my cock...
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