if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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