Screwed.edu
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well most of my day revolves around power hour
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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