it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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