This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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