Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
