So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
