Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
