Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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