he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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