So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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