i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
