Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
