she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
