U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
