I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
