idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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