i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
