He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
