Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
