I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize