Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
