I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
