I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
