Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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