In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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