You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
