saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
