I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
