FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize