he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
