I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize