i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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