i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
