i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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