dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Mom said you looked used
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
