My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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