Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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