Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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