im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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