STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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