If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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