My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
