as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
