Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
