My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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