we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
