Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
