You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
