i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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