A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
