I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
