Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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