my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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