i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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