I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
