i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
