worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
