I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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