i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
