my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
