what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
