her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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