I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
