Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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