Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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