yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My ATM looks so different sober.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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