This dress was meant to end up on your floor
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
