i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
