Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
