Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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