just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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