she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
