just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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