so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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