its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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