a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
