You're so nebulous sometimes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
