I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
